Unread

19.11.2012

22:09

I’ve been totally busy all day long with many activities. I accepted straightaway to give two extra lessons in different places at once. I am running around until feeling so exhausted.

I’ve watched many many Korean dramas that take much time so that I have no time to do nothing. I bought some stuff that I want so that I’ll be happy. Happy ever after. I make sure to myself that I don’t love you anymore, that my love is just fading away, no more left. I am free now, I am happy. You mean a little thing for me. You hurt me and I won’t spend my energy to think about you. You have been thrown away from my heart. I completely forget about the feeling, because I am moving on..so fast! I am happy. Yes, I am. Now, I don’t have to rely my happiness on someone else, on you. I can just be happy everyday. Moreover, I erase all photos in facebook. I hide your activities so I don’t know what you do on facebook, and I don’t want to know either. I just don’t care. You are stranger now.

I never hope we will be getting back together. No more about us. No more about Damey. The end part is just so painful. You are like that. Yes, you are.

The only hope I have is never see you again in my life. I just want to graduate soon, and flee away from here. Go far far away so I won’t find you again, so that day when you said “Don’t wait for me”, that for me it means “I have already had another girl in my heart, no place for you any longer”, it would be the last time we see each other’s face. Then, we will just disappear. I cannot make friends with you, with someone I once loved the most. I loved you. I love you. And I swear I won’t love you.

I told to the people, I move on, I have successfully moved on, I am strong. This break-up means nothing for me. I am so young and wanna do many things in my life, I won’t care about love stuff. I tell people I am okay, I am happy being this way. It is the best thing we could decide. It is the best choice afterall. It is what actually I want.

No matter how hard I did to set my heart free from you, no matter how effort I did, no matter how busy I will be, no matter how many masks I wear everyday, I don’t know what the hell is going on with me,  almost every night I dream of you. Even before I wake up, I see your face in front of me, smiling like how you used to. What I am thinking is you. How are you? How is your study? Do you lose some weight? How is your family? Are you happy now? Satisfied?

And today I saw you with your friends, smiling along the road at the time we saw each other. And what I hope is you didn’t realize it was me. And one of my hopes, not to see you just failed straightaway. I just want to go away from here. I want to graduate as soon as possible and leave everything behind.

I didn’t cry. I never cry because I think it is how I really am. I am just still loving you. That’s it. so, What i have to do now while waiting the time when I can go away from here is struggling much harder to forget the feeling.

You don’t know how much I loved you, sincerely. I loved you, I loved you just the way you are. And you let me go. No, you ask me to go. You want me to go. Then, I just will go, and never come back. That’s all.

I miss you, I miss you so bad. I miss you texting me, “I love you..”. I miss hugging you from the back while riding the motorcycle. I miss time we were in rain and I felt so warm behind your back. I even miss your mom, miss your sister, miss your niece!! I miss your house, I miss the place where we used to watch movie together. I miss everything. I am missing you so much now. Can you hear me? NO. I miss you, I love so much. And I hurt. I hurt. I don’t wanna hope anything else except forgetting the feeling. Please go away. I love you. I think I am getting mad.

birthday part3

Let’s go to the next year of my incredible birthday!

I was in the first grade of lovely senior high school. The start of being happy, I think. There were a lot of happiness came and filled up my life. I am not overdone when I say it was the most unforgettable moment. I got a lot of experiences and I hardly explain how lucky I was.

As I remember, it is the only one letter I got when I was 16 years old. But I am not sure about it.

It is from my sensational bestfriend, dany. She is cheerful, she is so fun, she is motivating, she is incredible.

At that time she has had a boyfriend, but I haven’t. I have not my lovely boyfriend yet. So, she wished I could get one as soon as possible.

Welcome to my 17^th birthday!!!

I’ve had Pinqueenz, I have had myself, someone that I want to be. And the important thing is I have had lovely boyfriend. Let me laugh loudly now!

Almost perfect birthday. . .

But, I am so sorry because I can not find out Ellen’s letters in everywhere. I just have for the second time, umami’s letter that was less talkative than before. ahahahaha.

Check this out!!

memories of birthday part2

I got some letters and presents when I was in second grade of junior high school. These are them!!
I guess that there are some letters more, but I could not find them everywhere. I am so sorry to say that.

When I was 15 years old or when I was in the third grade of junior high school, I got some letters, but I can not publish all of them, because, ya, I have to admit again that there are some that are lost.
Do you know, at that time, I got the first present from my bestfriend, uma. And after I found out her letters, I’ve just realized that she wrote so many letters for me. She gave me some advices, poetry, and short story, too. It sounds so funny for me. Thank you for one of my best friends, uma. Check these out!! I just publish some of her letters. Because I am sure that if I published all the letters, it would spend much space. ;p

memories of birthday part1

Well, maybe it sounds so crazy when I decided to write this entry with so many pictures in it. I love to memory, I love to some time open a box and see what I have done so far. I love to save everything that reminds me about the past. I love to memory anything that makes me happy or even sad. Sometimes I want to turn time back and enjoying the time with my friends, in elementary school, when they gave me a necklace from milk’s straws because we used to be got a pack of milk from school, and sometimes I drank two packs of milk. At May 22nd 2000 something, I forget, they made a simple but unforgettable necklace for me. Although, I were too often to fight with my classmate, we cried together, we mocked each other, we hit and kicked each other, reminding it makes me missing that time. So fun, so memorable, totally unforgettable.

Then I had to say goodbye with them, continue up my live, and I was accepted in one of the favorite schools in my town. I met so many friends after all. Although I can not deny that I hate to memory the time when I was in junior high school. But, it is a part of my life, anyway. I have to find out the beautiful part instead of remembering the worse part of my junior high school time. At least, when I was 13 years old, that I though it was the worst and the most unlucky age for my live, I got some presents from my lovely friends. Do you remember these letters, my junior high school’s friends??? I hope so. I still even save them properly in my box.

Well, maybe it sounds so crazy when I decided to write this entry with so many pictures in it. I love to memorize, I love to some time open a box and see what I have done so far. I love to save everything that reminds me about the past. I love to memorize anything that makes me happy or even sad. Sometimes I want to turn time back and enjoying the time with my friends, in elementary school, when they gave me a necklace from milk’s sedotan because we used to be got a pack of milk from school, and sometimes I drank two packs of milk. At May 22nd 2000 something, I forget, they made a simple but unforgettable necklace for me. Although, it was too often to fight with my classmate, we cried together, we mengumpat each other, we hit and kicked each other, reminding it makes me missing that time. So fun, so memorable, totally unforgettable.

Then I had to say goodbye with them, continue up my live, and I was accept in one of the favorites schools in my town. I met so many friends after all. Although I can not deny that I hate to memory the time when I was in junior high school. But, it is a part of my life, anyway. I have to find out the beautiful part instead of memorizing the worse part of my junior high school time. At least, when I was 13 years old, that I though it was the worst and the most unlucky age for my live, I got some presents from my lovely friends. Do you remember these letters, my junior high school’s friends??? I hope so. I still even save them properly in my box.

how many eyes do you have? punya mata berapa Anda? (bilingual)

Many people said that we are given 2 ears and 1 mouth because we should listen more and talk less.

So, why does God give us two eyes?? Not 1 or 3 eyes??

Freak question that I am always thinking before go bed. Then, suddenly, it’s kind of I found a light over my head.

Because God does not want us to see just with 1 eye, we have to see everything with 2 eyes. Everyone and everything in this world. I repeat again, WITH TWO EYES!!

Btw, about 3 eyes, Dajjal who is believed that has 3 eyes. Who knows??

So, what should we do now??

Let’s see when someone underestimates someone else. How is her/his expression?? How is his/her face and eyes?? I strongly believe that someone who underestimates someone else feels that he/she is more or high. So, what is the fact??

So poor someone who is like that, including myself. One of my heart diseases was underestimating someone else. I felt that I was cleverer and “more” if compared with her. But, what I got then?? She could get IP 3.95, almost perfect. We are in same faculty, although in different university. I’m so poor, aren’t I??

Then I realized, underestimating someone else is same with killing myself. It is wrong when you think, someone who is underestimated is lower than you. It is a big mistake of thinking. Since it happened to me, I will think more than twice before I underestimate someone else. When I feel that my disease will take my heart again, I tell to myself.

“ Woy meyk, what the hell is going on with you?? Do you think that you are great person after doing something like that?? It is not sure that you must be more than his/her that u underestimate. Underestimating person is same with underestimate someone who create his/her. In addition, someone who creates his/her and you is not different. It means that you underestimate yourself!! Don’t you know that all people in this world are same in front of God, except their devotion? Are you diligent to pray (sholat) and fast?? Every second you have done mistake, and now you want to underestimate someone else??”

Then, I shut me up! How I realize that this live does not take a long time. How I will lose if I do something that give bad effect to me and add my sin in this world. What will I get when I underestimate someone else?? What’s the benefit for me??

Of course, I am ordinary person that sometimes I do mistake. But, I try hard to appreciate every things God creates. Everyone around me. I extremely believe there is no one who lives with just weaknesses. Keep in mind that everyone has talent or goodness. In front of God, everyone is same; something that compares someone and someone else is their devotion, no more. Don’t you feel so shame when you are swimming at hell, and someone you underestimate is flying and eating pizza at heaven and they wave to you????


Punya mata berapa Anda???


Banyak orang mengatakan kita diberi dua telinga dengan 1 mulut karena kita seharusnya lebih banyak mendengarkan daripada sekedar mengoceh.

Lalu, mengapa kita diberi dua mata??nggak satu aja ato tambah satu jadi tiga???

Karena Tuhan tidak menginginkan kita untuk memandang sesiapa pun di dunia ini hanya sebelah mata. Tapi, DENGAN KE2 MATA. Dan soal mata 3, dajjallah yang diyakini bermata 3. jelas, manusia dan Dajjal sangatlah berbeda.

Lalu, bagaimana seharusnya kita??

Mari perhatikan saat orang merendahkan orang lain ato bahasa FBS nya underestimate orla. Bagaimana tatapan matanya?? Bagaimana ekspresi wajahnya? Cenderung orang yang merendahkan orla merasa dia adalah sosok yang lebih tinggi. Dan, bagaimana kenyataannya?

Sangat memprihatinkan orang semacam itu, termasuk saya. DULU. Saya merasa saya lebih pintar dan merasa dia begitu jadul di mata saya. Apa yang saya dapat?? Dia, orang yang saya jadul jadulkan, mendapat IP jauh di depan saya, walau di universitas berbeda, tetapi dengan fakultas yang sama. Sekarang, bila dipikir pikir, saya jauh lebih banyak dosa karena belum memakai apa yang seharusnya saya pakai, pasti lebih kurang di bidang akademis dibanding dia, dan lain sebagainya. Pelajaran yang saya dapat adalah, bercermin dulu sebelum menilai orang lain, bahkan merendahkannya. Anda siapa kok main merendah rendahkan orang lain?? Apa?? Baru punya otak encer dikit udah bodo bodo in orang, baru bisa ngabis abisin duit orang tua udah jadul jadulin orang lain! Beli cermin yang besar dan bercermin 7 hari 7 malam dan dapatkan hasilnya. Penuh kekurangan. Di dunia ini, tak ada manusia yang paling, yang lebih semuanya dibanding orang lain. Nggak ada dan nggak akan pernah ada. Saat otak saya mulai dikotori hal hal semacam itu, saya berkata :

“Woy, meyk. Ngopo koe?? Opo njor nak ngono ki uis sangar?? Hebat?? Wis jos?? Durung mesti kowe luih apik saka wonge. Ngrendahke wong liyo podo wae ngrendahke sing duwe. Padal sing gawe lan duwe kowe lan uwonge ki podo. Ngrendahke wong liyo podo wae ngrendahke awak dewe. Meyk, durung mesti derajatmu luwih duwur dibanding wonge. Tiap detik gawe dosa we kok ngrendah ngrendahke wong liyo! Nyebut. . . .”

itu adalah kata kata favorit saya yang saya ucapkan saat penyakit saya yang satu ini mulai menandakan gejala gejala tidak baik. Anda bisa menciptakan kata kata favorit seperti itu berdasarkan apa yang menjadi kelemahan Anda. Saya tidak bermaksud mengorek ngorek kelemahan atau something like that. Tapi, apa yang terjadi pada orang yang terus menyebutkan goodness yang dia miliki??? Ya, Anda benar. SOMBONG!! Menyebutkan kelemahan diri sendiri itu perlu untuk memastikan kaki anda tetap menepak di tanah! Tak ada manusia yang sempurna, kawan. . .Hanya Tuhan yang seperti itu. Alangkah meruginya saya bila saya melakukan hal semacam itu dan hanya menambah tabungan dosa di rekening alam baka saya. Saya sadar dosa saya bila digambarkan seperti balon balon berwarna abu abu yang menindih orang orang di salah satu iklan teh botolan ternama pasti akan jauh lebih besar. Apa untungnya merendahkan orang lain??

Saya sadar betul, saya adalah sosok manusia yang menungso ( menus menus kakean dosa ), dan terkadang napsu merendahkan menjalar di otak atau hati saya. Tapi saya bertekad untuk memandang setiap ciptaan Tuhan dengan kedua mata saya yang indah ini. Saya pun tahu betul bahwa tak ada satu pun makhluk Tuhan yang diciptakan hanya dengan kelemahan kelemahannya saja. Keep in mind teman. . . . orang yang kita rendahkan belum tentu benar benar rendah dibanding kita. Sesungguhnya di mata Tuhan, semua adalah sama. Satu satunya hal yang membedakan adalah kadar ketakwaannya. Apa yang Anda banggakan??harta, kecantikan, dan kepintaran?? Semua itu memang yang Tuhan berikan untuk menguji kita. Karena sesungguhnya, manusia yang bisa menggunakan semua itu dengan penuh manfaat, tanpa bumbu bumbu kesombongan adalah manusia yang kelak akan diberi tiket express ke tempat terindah. Fase ini hanyalah fase super cepat untuk menguji kita akan ditaruh kemana nantinya. Orang bilang, numpang ngombe, aku tambahi jadi numpang ngombe karo ngemil ngemil sitik. Daripada sekedar merendahkan orang lain, mari kita rendahkan hati, saling berbagi dan rasakan betapa indahnya hidup ini. Hidup ini indah tanpa penyakit hati, kawan. . .

Apakan Anda tertarik dan ingin yang lebih?? Saya akan memanjakan Anda. Datang ke . anda akan mendapatkan lebih dari saya sampai Anda puas. Ada naskah/artikel motivasi, puisi, cerpen, dan masih banyak lagi. Semua akan dikupas tajam, setajam. . . .CLURIT. cekidot!!

saya kelaparan!!!(I'm Hungry!!) (bilingual)

How are you? Are you okay? Is your live alright? Do you have a meal 3 times a day?? Can you buy clothes that you want, or even you are fashionista?? Well, how lucky we are. . . But, have you ever thought about people outside that have a meal once only is enough, although they eat rest rice with extremely bad quality, have a bed in a bad house that can not protect them from raining is enough, change their clothes as seldom as they can is enough. Everything that’s not enough, they must think that all is enough. Sad faces in around the world. Indonesia and other countries.

So, the question now for us who feel so good or good enough in financial, our family can complete our necessity and something else is have we ever thought how if ALLAH SWT turns our live??? if we are those children or people that clean cars from one car to other cars, sing a song badly from 1 bus to the others, or give envelopes to ask for people’s money from 1 bus to the others to take our life longer, to live for that day, to fill in our stomach. Maybe you think, What’s up with you? Why do you suppose something like that?? I’m OK with my live now, and I don’t care with people outside. What the hack is going on with us?? If we are thinking like that, friends. Like a day and a night, live has two options. And now, ALLAH chooses this destiny for us. So?? What should we do then?? No, I don’t want to show you how nice I am, how generous I am that give you a totally good suggestions to help poor people. No, I don’t. I just wanna share with you what I am thinking and feeling about now. I often see a mother with a lot of bumps on her face like tumor asking for people’s money that pass in front of her, every day I see an old grandmother with an old basket on her back walking and finding rubbish along road in front of my college, although it is raining, and she being wetted, I ever see a couple of blind grandmother and grandfather asking for people’s money from 1 shop to the others, I also see many children on TV that can not stand and walk because of bad nutrition or get hunger oedema. They are so poor, and as a human, I’m sure that we have heart, we can feel their sadness, but feeling their sadness is not enough. We have to help them. We have to do something to make them happy, although just a bit. Give a beggar a bit of our money. Share ours with beggars who need our help, not beggars who just need money to be drunk or something like that. We can choose whether beggar that need money for goodness, taking their live longer or not. Don’t just think about our own life, ourselves. Lets think them, who need our help, who need to make their live better than before. Because we don’t know when we will be like now up to. Maybe we can give to the others, but who knows we will ask for the others’ help tomorrow. We don’t know when we can live up to. We just know that we live once only in this world. Make your life useful. In Al-Qur’an is told that actually person who is useful is person who is useful for the others around him or her. As long as we can do something for people, we can help, we can give, do it now. Let’s share our livelihood with the others. Open your eyes, open your heart, and God will take our livelihood longer and longer. Begin now, friends. . .










Saya kelaparan!!!!

Bagaimana?? Hidup Anda baik baik saja?? Makan tiga kali sehari buat yang normal, 4 sampai 5 buat yang doyan, atau 1 sampai 2 plus apel buat yang lagi diet?? Pije?? Bisa beli baju incaran atau aksesoris yang lagi ngetren??

Waaaah, beruntung ya jadi kita? Pernahkah berfikir tentang orang banyak di luar sana?? Yang makan sehari sudah cukup, tidur di rumah reyot kalau keujanan ikut basah, kalau panas ikut sumuk sudah cukup, ganti baju kalau belum lethek2 amat belum ganti sudah cukup, makan sekali itu pun makan nya kadang nasi sisa milik tetangga yang dikeringin trus dimakan lagi sudah cukup, atau kadang ketela pohon atau pun sego jagung sudah cukup. Beli baju setahun sekali itu pun kalau ada yang mau ngasih utangan sudah cukup. Serba yang tidak cukup dicukup cukupkan. Wajah murung di belahan lain Indonesia dan dunia. Simak berita berikut, teman!

KINSHASA, KOMPAS.com - Menteri kesehatan Republik Demokratik Kongo (DRC) mengatakan sedikitnya 700 anak yang berusia di bawah lima tahun meninggal akibat kelaparan setiap hari di lima provinsi yang dilanda kerusuhan di negeri itu. Di Aceh 29 anak meninggal karena busung lapar sementara 1.336 lainnya kena busung lapar. Sebanyak 340.056 jiwa dari total 990 ribu penduduk Kabupaten Ponorogo, Jawa Timur masuk dalam kategori keluarga miskin, yang berpotensi menderita gizi buruk.(Media Indonesia) Ada 5,1 juta balita bergizi buruk dengan 54 persen atau 2,6 juta jiwa terancam kematian seperti ditegaskan Dr. Yosep Hartadi (Lampung Post). TEMPO Interaktif, Jakarta:Direktur Program Pangan Dunia (United Nations World Food Programme ) Indonesia, Bradley Bussetto mengatakan saat ini lebih dari 850 juta orang di dunia menderita kelaparan kronis, 820 juta diantaranya tinggal di negara berkembang. "Setiap 5 detik, 1 orang meninggal dunia akibat kelaparan di Asia," katanya dalam jumpa pers Fight Hunger: Walk the World, di Wisma BCA, Jakarta, Rabu.

Bandingkan dengan kita atau Anda. . . buat yang cewek, sukanya shopping baju rata2 per piece 50 ribuan atau aksesoris at least 5ribuan masih yang gila tas atau sendal yang modelnya ga ketulungan bagus, maem di café yang kalau steak 8 mpe 20ribuan masih ditambah macem2 juice 4 mpe 8 ribuan, gaul di mall mungkin, masih beli aneka cairan kecantikan meliputi hand body, parfum yang sekecil botol minyak kapak 10ribuan,sabun cair bermerk, bedak nggak ketinggalan plus lipstik, lipbalm atau pun lipgloss. Yang cowok, ngegame dari pagi mpe malam dengan biaya 3000 perjam, atau ngrokok 3 bungkus dengan harga perbungkus 6ribu sampai 20 ribu paling mahal(nak iyo??? Sory, aku dodole pulsa, dudu rokok). Dudu, aku bukan pingin bilang, so. . .buat feel what they(poor people) feel, don’t go shopping,have a meal in café,etc!!! jelas dudu. . . hak kita untuk hidup senang as long as we can. . .

Coba, sekarang pikirkan sejenak andai Tuhan memutarbalikkan nasib kita. Andai kitalah yang dengan bermodalkan kemucing dari mobil ke mobil pas lampu merah, atau menymbangkan suara sumbang buat minta sumbangan uang dari bis ke bis atau menyodorkan amplop dari jok ke jok bis.
Seperti siang dan malam, hidup ini pilihan. Dalam masalah ini, Tuhan telah memilihkan kita seperti ini nasib kita. So???
Dudu, aku bukannya pingin sok jadi malaikat yang sok2 ngasih saran buat saling berbagi, sok2 baik buat nggak pelit pelit ma orang lain,dudu. . .aku Cuma share apa yang aku amati, lihat, rasakan akhir akhir ini. Sering liat ibu2 yang banyak jentol2nya kayak manusia akar di TV suka minta minta di sekitar kampus, mbah2 yang dulu pernah kegilas dikit kakinya ma mobil babi pas minta2 di depan SMAku sering pas ujan ujan bawa keranjang dari tempat sampah ke tempat sampah lain, ngorek ngorek sampah, ngambilin plastik2, pakai baju biru lusuh sama jarit lusuh plus nggak pernah punya sandal, pernah liat sepasang kakek nenek yang ga bisa ngeliat saling tuntun tuntunan minta minta dari toko ke toko, sering liat kakek kakek duduk tiap hari di pinggir jalan mau ke kampus dengan tangan gemetar megangin mangkuk tempat uang dengan seplastik teh di tangan yang lain, atau pun kakek2 cacat dengan kotak besar bertuliskan “saya orang cacat, minta bantuan untuk makan sehari hari” di depan toko Laris yang kemarin ketemu lagi pas di pasar malam, sering googling busung lapar trus ketemu anak anak kulit hitam yang kurus kering tinggal kulit sama tulang plus semangat hidup minta minta, makan sampah, walau pun habis itu aku mewek2 diliatin mas mas yang ngenet di sebelahku. Begitu banyak orang yang butuh bantuan, serpihan2 koin yang mungkin buat kita rada nggak berguna, atau kadang buat kenek2 bis gedhe yang aku sering naikin malah dibuang tiap lewat kuburan,tapi buat mereka koin koin adalah penyambung hidup hari ini.

Yang aku pelajari dari sini adalah, janganlah hidup dengan berorientasi pada diri sendiri, mengenyangkan perut sendiri, memuaskan hasrat sendiri. kita tak pernah tau, besuk masih bisa memberi atau justru minta diberi. Bahasa FBS nya, as long as u can, do it now. Selagi masih bisa tangan di atas, sisihkan uang saku kita untuk mereka yang berjuang di jalanan demi butiran butiran nasi, demi hidung yang tetap mengembang dan mengempis hari demi hari. Demi mata yang bisa terus merajai setiap pesona yang disuguhkan Tuhan. Itu adlaah rasa syukur kita terhadap apa yang diberi Tuhan untuk kita.. Karena sesungguhnya, manusia yang bermanfaat adalah manusia yang bisa “dimanfaatkan” orang lain. Mulai sekarang kawan, berikan apa yang bisa kamu berikan. Mugi mugi Gusti ALLAH mberkahi. insyaAllah. . .