Unread

19.11.2012

22:09

I’ve been totally busy all day long with many activities. I accepted straightaway to give two extra lessons in different places at once. I am running around until feeling so exhausted.

I’ve watched many many Korean dramas that take much time so that I have no time to do nothing. I bought some stuff that I want so that I’ll be happy. Happy ever after. I make sure to myself that I don’t love you anymore, that my love is just fading away, no more left. I am free now, I am happy. You mean a little thing for me. You hurt me and I won’t spend my energy to think about you. You have been thrown away from my heart. I completely forget about the feeling, because I am moving on..so fast! I am happy. Yes, I am. Now, I don’t have to rely my happiness on someone else, on you. I can just be happy everyday. Moreover, I erase all photos in facebook. I hide your activities so I don’t know what you do on facebook, and I don’t want to know either. I just don’t care. You are stranger now.

I never hope we will be getting back together. No more about us. No more about Damey. The end part is just so painful. You are like that. Yes, you are.

The only hope I have is never see you again in my life. I just want to graduate soon, and flee away from here. Go far far away so I won’t find you again, so that day when you said “Don’t wait for me”, that for me it means “I have already had another girl in my heart, no place for you any longer”, it would be the last time we see each other’s face. Then, we will just disappear. I cannot make friends with you, with someone I once loved the most. I loved you. I love you. And I swear I won’t love you.

I told to the people, I move on, I have successfully moved on, I am strong. This break-up means nothing for me. I am so young and wanna do many things in my life, I won’t care about love stuff. I tell people I am okay, I am happy being this way. It is the best thing we could decide. It is the best choice afterall. It is what actually I want.

No matter how hard I did to set my heart free from you, no matter how effort I did, no matter how busy I will be, no matter how many masks I wear everyday, I don’t know what the hell is going on with me,  almost every night I dream of you. Even before I wake up, I see your face in front of me, smiling like how you used to. What I am thinking is you. How are you? How is your study? Do you lose some weight? How is your family? Are you happy now? Satisfied?

And today I saw you with your friends, smiling along the road at the time we saw each other. And what I hope is you didn’t realize it was me. And one of my hopes, not to see you just failed straightaway. I just want to go away from here. I want to graduate as soon as possible and leave everything behind.

I didn’t cry. I never cry because I think it is how I really am. I am just still loving you. That’s it. so, What i have to do now while waiting the time when I can go away from here is struggling much harder to forget the feeling.

You don’t know how much I loved you, sincerely. I loved you, I loved you just the way you are. And you let me go. No, you ask me to go. You want me to go. Then, I just will go, and never come back. That’s all.

I miss you, I miss you so bad. I miss you texting me, “I love you..”. I miss hugging you from the back while riding the motorcycle. I miss time we were in rain and I felt so warm behind your back. I even miss your mom, miss your sister, miss your niece!! I miss your house, I miss the place where we used to watch movie together. I miss everything. I am missing you so much now. Can you hear me? NO. I miss you, I love so much. And I hurt. I hurt. I don’t wanna hope anything else except forgetting the feeling. Please go away. I love you. I think I am getting mad.